Overheard On...

Gmail, while discussing the hunting and trapping of cats* with a friend.

 Brian:  So with ye're stay of execution, I mean deportation, ye gonna get another kitty?

 me:  Erm... probably not. At least, not right now.

 me:  We're looking into getting Permanent Residency, then getting a pet that's a bit more long-lived, won't appreciate being called a pet in later life, and probably needs more than a box to sleep in...

 Brian:  :O

They're like, waaaay more expensive than kittens.

 me:  I know, I know! But you can teach them to talk and do party tricks as they get older.

 Brian:  Get two! That way, you can ignore them, and they'll entertain themselves!

 That's right folks! Claire and I are planning to get a parrot.

Wait... you thought WHAT?!?

*- All for a good cause. They get trapped, neutered and released back into the wild. Spay your pets folks!

Overheard On...

Gmail. Sometimes, I wonder why I'm let teach small children...

Sinead: wondering what to do for an hour at my desk and not work

me: Should have brought your DS.

Sinead: good idea

or a book

so entertain me

me: Once upon a time...

Sinead: yes...

me: there was a little bear, that lived all by himself in the woods.

One day, Little Bear was out searching for food.

He looked under rocks.

He looked inside tress.

Sinead: what was his name

me: He looked in the water.

L.B.

Sinead: did he find any yet he must be starving

me: But Little Bear, whose name was L.B., could not find anything to eat.

"Where is all the food gaone?" thought L.B.

"Where are all the yummy bugs from under the rocks?"

"Where is all the yummy honey from inside the trees?"

"And where are all the juicey fish that swim in the river?"

Little Bear didn't know.

He looked high up in the trees.

He looked low down in the valleys.

And then, he looked deep down inside a dark cave.

Sinead: oh poor LB

Sent at 1:28 PM on Monday

me: That was when he found the illegally dumped bio-hazardous waste that some careless chemical company had disposed off, allowing it to leak out and kill all the grubs under the rocks, the bees in the trees, and the fish in the rivers. And it killed Little Bear too.

The End.
Sinead: oh

did he have a mam

can she have more babies?

me: No. He lived all alone in the forest, remember. It was at the start.

Sinead: where did he come from

was he little cause he was small, or young

me: His mam had been killed years ago by hunters and was now on display in a café where fat american tourists could pose for photographs.

Sinead: oh was she born in this forest too

me: Yup. She had spent a happy life here until the day a .22 ripped through her like a hot klnife through butter.

Sinead: did LB see it happen

me: Nah. He was playing with Mr. Squirrel and Fluffy Bunny, the Hare in a Rabbit Desguise.

Sinead: are they all dead too?

Sent at 1:35 PM on Monday

me: Yea. Mr. Squirrel had a massive coronary about 6 months ago, and Fluffy Bunny had an unfortunate accident involving an articulated truck and 8 large tires.

Sent at 1:36 PM on Monday

Overheard On....

Gmail.

me: How is the jaw? Feeling better yet?

Ooops!

Wrong chat box.

My other friend had her wisdom teeth removed earlier this week!

Sinead: what the fuck was that

me: Sorry.

It reads like I'm implying something!

Domestic Violence.

And now our chat has turned up on some Federal Computer.

Sinead: look natural

weather huh, howbout that

me: All I need do now is mention terrorist, bombing, and Islam and this is being read by a top NSA agent!

Shit.

Sinead: shit thats like mentioning anthrax

doh

me: Or smallpox.

Sinead: or warcraft suxs

she knows!!!!

me: EEp!

Sinead: she knows i said it!!!!11

hide!

me: Already under the table.

Sinead: i got to go, im scared, chat later when its safe, delete delete delete

Of course, you know now this page has been tagged! Just by reading this you've placed yourself on a list! Ha! Suckers!!

Overheard On...

Gmail! To be truthful, it was less "overheard", and more typed back and forth, with intermittent "bings" being the only actual sounds, but you get the idea!

Bob: help am being abductd

me: WhA?!? Dammit! They're supposed to take MEEEE! Here! I'm here! I want to see you alien mothership!!!

Whisk me away into the stars! I'm ready!

TAKE MEEEEE!!!!!

Sent at 12:03 AM on Thursday

Bob: ZAadefn #

me: What?!? Yes! I understand! I'll happily allow that.

As your people say, ZETdefreww CWE ~~@S Eef.

Sent at 12:07 AM on Thursday

Bob: dam it

me: Buh? Did they leave? Are they coming for me?? Oh god! I need to pack.

Sent at 12:10 AM on Thursday

Bob: ack

me: Ack?

Bob: ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack

ack ack ack ?

me: Ack-ack-ack ackack!

Nanoo-nanoo!

Sent at 12:15 AM on Thursday

Bob: Durka-durka, durka-durka probe-u-later?

me: Probe-u-later? I hardly know 'er!! Ah-hahahahaha!!

Sent at 12:17 AM on Thursday

Posted direct and unedited, even leaving in the hurriedly typed awful spelling and grammar!

Overheard On...

The Venture Brothers

Starting a trend here!:

Henchman 24: Come on! They have one female servicing a large group of males. That implies a species that lays eggs.
Henchman 21: Oh my God, you're crazy! They're so obviously mammals!
Henchman 24: Please! She'd be in estrus 24/7 if she didn't lay eggs.
Henchman 21: Smurfs don't lay eggs! I won't tell you this again! Papa Smurf has a fucking beard! They're mammals!

Overheard During...

A game of Zombies:

Not sure who said what, so I'm going to take some guesses with the names. It's the conversation that matters anyhow. All I know for certain is that Noel gave us the priceless punchline.

Noel: I'm inflammable.
Dave T: I think you mean "unflammable". "Inflammable" means you burn more.
Ninja Dave: Like "infamous", meaning that you'd be "more famous".
Bob: "Infamous" implies "famous for the wrong reasons".
Ninja Dave: So "inflammable" means "flammable for the wrong reasons"?
Noel: Flammable for the wrong reasons? What? Like babies?

Overheard In

... Roches Stores:

Fellow employee talking to a friend of mine: "I hear Marvel are making a new movie about an undead biker guy called Knight Rider."

I'm sure he was actually referring to Ghost Rider. I hope.