Kindergarten Kid

Connor started school this September past. Although still only for years old, his birthday is this calender year, so he falls in the 2022/23 intake. We had the option of holding him back one year, but he's ready. If he'd been our first, I certainly would have spent more time debating the benefits of keeping him home another year. He's so sociable and confident, and he's watched Ada for his entire life. 

He's been doing super, as expected. He's making lots of new friends, the first without his big sis. Up to now, Connor has mostly played with kids that we met when Ada was a baby. Covid means that Connor never really got to go to Family Place as a toddler and develop those friendships. 

So far, his only real difficulty with starting school is learning how snack works. During the first two to three weeks, we had to pack him more and more lunch each day, as he would eat everything he had and get hungry again later. Our boy is a healthy, growing Irish kid, who can eat and eat and eat. At one point, we were packing two full lunch boxes with him. Thankfully, things have settled down a bit over the weeks. 

If that's the worst we have to deal with this year, I'll be a very happy dad.

Wheels Of Freedom

Ada got her “big kid bike” with training wheels in the summer of 2020. Her two best friends both got bikes around the same time, and we went cycling several times a week together.

We’re lucky enough to have an old rail line bedside us that got paved over to become a wonderfully safe, traffic free and gloriously smooth and relatively flat pedestrian and bike path. All our kids learned to cycle on this, with the freedom to cycle far ahead of the parents. They knew even back then to stop far from the crossroads and wait for us to catch up. As they got faster and faster, we trained them to stop partway at key spots to let us keep within a comfortable distance. 

It wasn’t long before they were all cycling about 16 blocks up the walkway several times a week. As the walkway is at an angle to the streets, that works out to about 1.5 kilometres up and other back. The trip home was a breeze, as it was a gentle slope downhill all the way. 

Some time in August or September I think, Ada’s bike suddenly “lost” it’s training wheels. There was a few days of crying that she couldn’t do it, or was afraid she’d fall off, and then, without warning, one day she was off! Again, that wonderfully flat and safe walkway was so helpful. She never took anything close to a bad fall that I can recall, but did injure herself quite badly, though only scrapes and bruises, on a friends scooter, travelling much slower.

It wasn’t long before she was going faster and further than ever, and I was really struggling to keep up on foot. We cycled all the way up the walkway to the next big shopping street, 30 blocks away, or 3.5 kilometres, several times before she was even six. 

I learned to cycle when I was 12.

Since Last We Saw Our Intrepid Adventurers

A lot has happened since I last set aside time to write more than a tweet or four. This time last year the CoVid-19 vaccination was still a dream, something in the far future. We were facing the cold, dark winter stuck indoors, away from family, friends, and neighbours. 

But things have gotten significantly better! Claire and I are both fully vaccinated since the summer. Our kids still aren’t able to get the vaccine, so we’re still being cautious. While activities have been restarting, we’ve been avoiding any large crowds still, and especially avoiding indoor events. 

We have been around friends again since last Spring, going cycling multiple times a week and playing at the various playgrounds near us. As summer rolled around and the case numbers started to drop, we’ve even had friends visit our home, and been to theirs. We’ve kept our bubble small, but that’s been enough. The kids have loved having visitors again, and in some small ways, things feel almost normal. 

Last year, Ada stayed out of school for the entire year, doing daily Zoom classes instead. She loved it, often getting set up five or ten minutes beforehand. She loved doing her assigned homework and showing it off the following day, and while we didn’t let Connor disrupt the class, he certainly absorbed some of what was happening. When asked to be part of a preschool language study group over Zoom, he prepared homework of his own to present at the start of the call, much to the utter delight of the researcher. 

But this year, Ada started in-school learning full time right from September. Claire and I were a little nervous. Case numbers were likely to rise as kids grouped up again, and restrictions had already been relaxed. On top of that, this was our first baby, off to school after a lifetime of Daddy Daycare. On her first day, she waved goodbye, took her friend’s hand and said “Let’s be brave” as they walked through the door together. There were some tears, but not from Ada. 

At the end of the day, she came bursting out to tell us all the amazing things she had done. Her teacher for that first week was surprised to hear she hadn’t been in class last year, as she just slotted in to the routine. I was so proud. She’s loved going to school every day since, and her classmates love her. Apparently she’s the popular kid, playing with everyone in the class.

On the other side, it’s been great having Connor by himself for the first time. We’ve done a bunch of stuff just hte two of us, and his favourite is taking transit, something that we hadn’t been doing throughout the pandemic, so the last time we would have even been on a bus was when he was about two. We’ve taken trips on the bus, hte metro trains and the seabus, for no reason other than to do it. We’ve sometimes gone all the way to North Vancouver, just to get an ice-cream, turn around, and transit home again. He’s a cheap date. 

Claire injured her shoulder towards the end of summer and decided to quit her job to give herself time to properly recover. The future there is uncertain, but filled with possibility. While I’m certain she’d love to spend this time writing, currently she’s dusting off her crochet skills and creating hats and scarves, as she can’t move her shoulder much at all. That’s also why she’s not doing NaNoWriMo this year. 

I continue to provide childcare to a number of preschoolers, the newest of whom was practically a pandemic baby, and hadn’t been with anyone other than mum and dad before coming to me when mum started back at work. She settled right in and is a bubbly, happy, energetic addition to our days. It’s been great having all my “bonus kids” around, as it keeps us in a routine. When it’s just me, Claire and Connor, it’s too easy some days to just throw on YouTube and relax for the day. Which is fine now and then, but I get wrapped up in my own thoughts if I have too many quiet days in a row. I need things to focus my energy on. Though I’m fairly certain there are parents at the school who are very confused by the man that shows up with a random number of children during drop-off and pick-up, sometimes even a different number at each on the same day.

So that’s us in 2021. There’s much more we’ve done, but I’m keeping some stuff back for potential dedicated posts. Consider this a broad stroke overview. More to come. 

Edited For Content

During the currently in progress pandemic social distancing guidelines and lockdown that started back in March, a lot of people have been trying new things to break the monotony of the new normal. Some have been learning new skills like wordworking and gardening, other refining and perfecting skills they already have a start in. 

I fall into the latter. I’ve always been interested in video editing on a casual basis. I love putting together videos celebrating my kids development, or holidays, or other significant events. In the last year, I’ve started creating more videos celebrating my neighbours and neighbourhood. I’ve been diving into the very robust video editor LumaFusion on the iPad. It can do a lot more than I can, so I try to add a new skill or feature to every video I make. 

I’ve just uploaded a few new videos to my YouTube channel if you’re interested in seeing them. I haven’t uploaded them before, because I usually just Whatapp them directly to friends and family. Theey’re fun to make, but I worry that they’re the video eqivalent of listening to someone describe their dream from last night, only intersting to those directly involved. 

Regardless, I do love editing with LumaFusion, and I have a few sketches written and locked away in my notes that I might film some day. Until then, I’ll stick to snapshots from my life. 

Chilliwack Corn Maze

Trip to Victoria

One Day At A Time

Today was rough, though nothing negative happened. 

I woke at a decent time. I find when I sleep in, even for as little as an extra thirty minutes, my morning is out of sorts. Breakfast runs late and everything just slips a bit. I like to take my mornings slowly when I can and starting late, I'm just rushing to keep up.

My kids were amazing all day. I played a board game with Ada, and she won. We really love playing Animal Upon Animal, and Connor likes to join us, playing with the extra pieces we don't need while playing two player. 

We watched a few cartoons, had lunch and Ada did her online class meeting, which she loves. Connor napped without fuss, and slept for ninty minutes, give or take. During that time I got laundry done and had a lovely chat with one of my neighbours. 

I made my favourite dinner and thoroughly enjoyed it.

But all this time, I just wanted to sleep. I just wanted to leave the kids watch videos all day and sleep in the chair beside them. They would have loved that, although I expect Connor would have climbed onto me more than once. 

With the current mini lockdown here in BC, we're all stuck indoors not seeing anyone, even at the park. My boxing gym is closed to classes, so I haven't been training. More than anything else, I think that is the cause of today's weariness.

That's okay. We're all allowed those days. I'm going to bed early tonight and starting fresh tomorrow. 

I had intended in writing the bare minimum today, but hit over 250 words by the end of the main body above. I also feel much better, like a weight has lifted.

Kids? Amirite??

I’ve wanted to be a dad since before I knew what that meant. I grew up in Ireland, the eldest in a family of four kids. Many of my cousins have four kids in their families. And then I fell in forever love with an amazing person who has three other siblings. Basically, I’d been conditioned to believe that four was the perfect number of kids in a family. 

Then I moved to Vancouver. 

Then I became a dad. 

I mean, a lot of other stuff happened too, but that’s not relevant to this story. 

Honestly, it could have ended there. One was enough. My life was full and complete.

Then I became a dad again. 

And that’s where it does end. For now. As much as I love kids, two of our own is enough. That’s how many we can fit in our car.  Kids are expensive here in Vancouver. And while they don’t exactly steal your free time, they do trade it in for unconditional love. It’s a good trade.

More to come. 

Flickr Off

There was a time in my internet life that I used Flickr on a daily basis. The professionally focused photo sharing site was a great way to post my favourite pictures of life, activities and lots and lots of action figures. I enjoyed being part of a social group that shared in each other’s achievements and were really supportive as ew each developed our photography skills.

But times changed, and suddenly we all had cameras in our phones and the idea of posting to Flickr lost it’s lustre. Where I used to go away for the weekend and come home with a few dozen photos to sort, now I had hundreds to scroll through, the vast majority of which were slight variations on the ones either side as I snapped off a bunch back to back.

I also became a dad, and kids take up a lot of time. 

It became so much easier to just post instantly to Twitter or Whatsapp to family members. Going then and posting to Flickr seemed like such an additional chore, and I quickly let it slip away. I’m fairly certain that I paid for a year or two or Pro membership in the last few years that I hardly ever used. 

So it has been that my once beloved Flickr account has sat idle, the last upload being from December 2015. It still contains hundreds of photos that I have no other easy to access backup of, and quite possibly, no backup, end of story. It has photos of family, friends, toys, personal projects, favourite foods, and filled with countless treasured memories. 

Flickr, once an independent site, was a bought by Yahoo a number of years ago, but recently was sold again. The new company have made some... changes. Lots of the changes are great. New upload features, new streamlined login, a renewed focus on professional photography. But the biggest change is to the storage service.

Up until now Flickr has had unlimited upload. I have well over the new 1,000 photos limit on my account. As of early January that simply meant I couldn’t upload anything new unless I deleted down to less than 1,000 myself, or paid for a Pro membership. Not really an issue given that, as I’ve mentioned earlier, I’ve stopped using Flickr, apart from occasionally returning to relive or reshape memories.

But, on February 5th, things change. As of that date, if you have more than 1,000 photos on you account and have not updated to Pro, everything older than your most recent 1,000 pictures will be deleted. Gone. Forever. No backsies.

And thus my time on Flickr has come to an end. Rather than simply lose everything, I archived and downloaded everything, including the titles and associated data. This was, thankfully, made painless through a feature on the site itself.

They’re now all safely on my hard drive, and right now, I’m uploading all those, literally thousands of photos, to my online Google Photos. I’ll be looking forward to going through all of them soon and sorting them into folders, and maybe sharing some wonderful memories on my Twitter. Some are hilariously low resolution compared to what I can take with even my old photo today. It really is a nostalgia trip.

I’ll be leaving Flickr as is for a while, but intend to delete the everything off that too eventually.

Finally, I want to close out but saying that, while the new Flickr isn’t for me, I’m excited to see what comes of it in the future. I hope this all leads to a rebirth of sorts and they find a way to make the site relevant again. I had a good time with the site once.

But, goodbye for now, Flickr. 

Love Makes The Rules From Fools To Kings

It's 1999 and the first week into my second year in university. I'm hanging out with my tabletop society friends, catching up on what I missed while I was home over the summer. I'm also playing around with my new GameBoy camera. A friend brings over a new girl, a first year who was interested in joining the society, sits her down with us all, says "Be nice" and leaves. I fall instantly for her, but I'm super shy, so I just act like my usual, idiotic, 19 year old self. Somehow, I get talking about the GameBoy camera, and I show her a feature, hoping to make her smile. I snap a pic of her face and then mine and show her our two faces combined.

She is, to put it mildly, slightly horrified.

Two weeks later one of the other gamers, a year older than me, has made his move and they're the new couple in the group. I'm upset, but resigned. Besides, by now I know she is too good for me. Smart, funny and cute; way outside my league.

Over the next college year we hang out together and have lots of fun as friends. I never say or do anything because a) I'm too shy and b) I wouldn' t do that to a friend. Regardless, it's a good year and I get to know her better and like her more. We get up to some fun, but completely platonic stuff, like swapping jeans for a whole evening while hanging out together.

The following summer a bunch of us gamer friends all move into a house together, including her and her boyfriend. And then, just before their first anniversary, they break up.

So, I'm there to comfort her and tell her she's going to be alright and be that great friend who she realises she loves, like in the movies, right? That's how the story plays out, right? Nope. I am, on that exact weekend while all the drama is unfolding, at home, about three hours away, gettting updates via text and being assured that her other friends are looking after her. Meanwhile, I'm cursing all the gods for my luck.

By the time I get back, she has pretty much gotten over it and is doing okay. That week we hang out and I'm her great friend she can talk to. All the time I want to tell her I like her, a lot, but part of me is reminding me that she's just broken up with this other guy, and needs me to just be a friend right now, so I should wait a bit. Besides, she's still too good for me.

Sunday morning, she knocks on my bedroom door and asks to come in. She sits on my bed and we talk about the movie we had gone to see in the cinema the night before. We talk about other random stuff and then she goes and breaks my heart.

"There's this guy I like, have liked for a while, but I don't know if he likes me. What should I do?"

I hold back the immediate reaction to scream and cry, and instead tell her she should tell him. I tell her that I've waited before and I always regretted it, but I'm so shy I let it happen anyway. She tells me that she met this guy before she even started dating her recent ex, but she had just started university in a new city with new friends, so when ex made a move, she went with him, even though she kinda liked this other guy too.

I'm imagining all the ways I could disappear this new guy, and who it could be given the little information I have on him, but all the while I'm telling her to go for it, to not be like me and let him slip away.

And then she asks what I'd say if she said it was me. I tell her I can't answer that, and she asks why and I tell her because I've never had anyone tell me that before. What I don't tell her is that if I told her the truth, that I really like her, I could lose her as a friend too because she clearly likes someone else now, so, I think to myself, it's best to say nothing.

The conversation drifts on, but honestly, I'm not registering what it's about. At this point I'm still just wallowing in my own self pity at being this close to someone this amazing, but not having her feel the same about me. Eventually I have to get up to get dressed for work. But before she gets up from the bed, she stops, looks me in the eyes and says "It's you. I like you. I'm asking you if you like me too?"

At which point my brain completely. Shuts. Down. I babble something back, get dressed, go downstairs and head out to work without really stopping to talk to anyone.

Along the way I get a text from her saying "Was that a yes?"

We'll be together 17 years this October 21st, married 9 years this August 8th, and have an amazing two year old daughter.

And yeah, she's still too good for me.

The Flow

Oh. Hi. It's been a while.

In the last few months I've had lots of ideas for fresh blog posts, from board game or movie reviews, to random thoughts, to cataloging cool stuff I've done, but I've never made the time to sit down and write anytihng. I have had plenty of time to do that if I wanted, I just didn't, so, my bad.

I've heard it said that writing is like any exersice, if you don't keep at it, you start to lose the skill. Maybe not as fast as you might lose fitness by spending a few weeks sitting on a couch, but certainly after a few months without writing, you start to lose "the flow", the ability to just sit and write and be happy with what flows onto the page or screen. I can feel it even now, writing this.

But I'm going to make a fresh effort. Like I said, I've certainly had lots to write about this last year, so let's see what happens.

I've also been lax on my drawing and uploading photos to Flickr, but we'll take this one step at a time. At least I still post to Twitter... Hopefully some of you who read this thing are still around. Welcome back.

Baby Tipping Part One

Everyone has their own tips and tricks and suggestions for you when you have, or are about to have, a baby, and they're more than happy to share them. Here's a few things I've learned since becoming a father.

Nothing anyone tells you will be exactly what you need for your baby, my own tips included. What you need to do is take all those things and find what you can use from them. Adapt them to your baby, because they may be just a few days old, but they'll have their own personality and desires, and they'll make them known to you somehow!

Feeding time can be a restful, peaceful time with mummy and baby, a moment of intimate bonding. Unfortunately, it also involves a lot of moments of vomitting. As most parents know, babies spit up. A lot. What we certainly did not know is that it is totally normal for babies to have one big spit-up every day. And in my experience, I mean big! For the first few months, Ada had instances when she has spit-up far more than I could believe a tiny tummy can hold. When it happens, don't panic. It's frightening, but it's normal. Remember, as long as your baby is peeing and pooping, they're doing fine when it comes to feeding.

And even if your baby isn't pooping, they're probably still okay! Ada could go five or six days without a single bowel movement, and I got so worried I askedd our GP during one of our visits. She assured me it was okay and told me that I should start worrying around the ten or eleven day mark. That's strange to me, because in my experience working in infant daycare programs, babies poop a lot.

 

Oh, one more thing about baby poop (If you're not a parent, or soon-to-be parent, you're already horrified, so why stop now?). If your baby is breast fed, it doesn't smell when they're young. Beast milk only has what baby bodies need, so very little waste is created, so nothing to make it smell bad! As you start adding solids into their diet from around 6 months, it can start to smell, but even then, until they're mostly eating solids, it's not as bad as you expect it to be.

Babies are amazing, and there's so much I've learned from Ada already, even after studying this stuff for three years, and working with them for much longer. Part Two coming soon.

Related
Baby Tipping Part Two (Soon)

Shake It Off, Shake It Off

Three years ago, on October 1st, 2012, I was provisionally diagnosed with Early Onset Parkinson's Disease. I wrote about this before, but now, three years on, I want to talk about how I think about my condition, and how it has, or, more accurately, hasn't affected me.

I've had PD for over three years now. Although I didn't see a neurologist until October, I had had tremors since March or April of that year. In those three years I've enjoyed my job, got back to swimming, drew lots of comics, played video games, read books and did lots of craft stuff, both with the kids in school and at home. Oh, and I became a dad. PD hasn't caused me any issues in anything I do. Sure, the tremor is annoying at times, but there's no loss of strength, so I don't have to worry about picking up an increasingly weighty baby! The only difficulty I can even struggle to think about is if I'm asked to write a note without something solid to lean on, say just using a binder held in my left hand. I can still manage it, but it won't be pretty!

Story Break: During the first year or two, I would occasionally blame anything and everything on PD. One time, while we were on holidays, I noticed my tremor was much stronger one morning. I quietly worried about it for an hour or two until Claire noticed that something was up and asked. When I explained, her reaction was "Or maybe it's the four cups of coffee you had over breakfast this morning." I do drink coffee, but not usually that much. We were out having a lovely breakfast and the server just kept refilling my cup. Mystery solved!

Since then, I've stopped blaming PD for everything. Now I blame those infernal cosmic rays from distant alien galaxies trying to alter our DNA for the coming invasion...

Some things will change, eventually. I might not be able to thread a bead for the kids some day. I might find I can't draw a neat circle one morning. Maybe I'll have to carry cups of tea one at a time, instead of one in each hand. All that's okay too. And they'll happen one at a time, not all at once, like the initial diagnosis. I'll deal with them then as they come.

My tremors get worse when I'm stressed, excited, tired, hungry, basically extremes of emotions or conditions, so I've really started to be more aware of my physical condition independant of PD at any time first and foremost. I try to eat well and regularly. I try not to have too much stress in my life, and get plenty of rest. You'd think that would be difficult with a six month old in my life, but Ada is a great night sleeper most of the time, so I usually get a good night's sleep.

The excitement bit is harder. I mean, for me, I get excited at movies, reading a good book, telling a joke, playing with the kids, all that. Heck, I get excited staring at paint dry. I just have to accept that I'm going to show my excitement more than others. That's not really a bad thing, in my opinion. Oh!! Taking photographs can be a bit of a pain, especially at exciting moments. Thank goodness for digital cameras. I just quietly delete all the blurry ones, as if they never happened. I had to let some of the hospital staff photograph the birth of our daughter, which worked out great in the end, as we got some incredibly unique photos to share with her on her 21st birthday/wedding day.

One great bit of advice I was given by my neurologist (I honestly love that I can say that. I have a neurologist! It's like I'm living in a TV show!) is not to let anyone decide for me when I need to start taking medication. Not doctors, not my neurologist, not family or friends. No one. I can choose that for myself, and to date, I have chosen to remain drug-free. I don't really need it yet anyway, the tremors are still pretty much limited to my left arm three years on.

The medication is getting better and better every year, but it's still not great. It has some long-term side effects, the funniest of which is tremors. Yup. The medication for PD causes tremors. Bananas! Anyway, the longer I can go without taking the medication, the longer I'll go before having to deal with the side-effects. Or, by the time I do start taking it, maybe I'll never have to deal with the side effects! One of the reasons for them is that the medication is a pill, so it's strongest when you take it and trails off over time, causing an inconsistency in the effects. This leads to peaks and valleys and the body has to try to compensate for that. They're currently working on a slow release delivery method, something planted under the skin that would release the medication evenly over days or weeks and just need topping-up at regular intervals. Cool!!

There is some advice that was given to me that I haven't taken myself yet, so read into that what you might. I haven't gone to any support groups or meet-ups for people with PD. I know that it's good to talk about these things with other folk and see how well they're coping. But instead, I blog. I believe that being open and honest about PD, or anything really, is great. It shows others that whatever they're dealing with, they're not alone, and sometimes that's how you feel when you get a diagnosis for something, not just PD. I was taught that by friends who survived cancer, and other friends who went through IVF treatments to become pregnant as they talked openly about what they were experiencing. I haven't had to deal with either of those, but their stories helped me with my diagnosis, as well as during the two years we were trying to become pregnant without success.

10% of the population will be diagnosed with PD at some point in their lives. 10%!! That's huge! One in ten people!! If that was a fatal condition, it would, literally, decimate the population! But it's not fatal. It's not even entirely life-changing. It's manageable, and getting more manageable every year.

I plan to live a long time yet, and thanks to medical science I'll be almost as active and productive as anyone else. I'll be a good friend, a good husband, and, hopefully, a good dad for a long time yet.

Post Script: This blog was inspired by a question from a friend. I'm so lucky to have great friends, and if this or anything else raises questions for you, feel free to ask me. I'll be delighted to answer them if I can.

 

Making Babies Is Easy, Except When It Isn't

Yesterday I announced on this blog about our impending end to free time and peace of mind. It was full of joy and happiness.

But as so many people will tell you, that's not always how it goes.

What some of you might not know is that Claire and I have been trying for this for about two years, and during that time we've had some painful close encounters. At least twice, we think we lost an embroy at around the five or six week mark, and every month that went by without even the hint of a successful fertilisation was another month of hope crushed.

When I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease in October of 2012, Claire and I agreed to accelerate our plans a bit. By then we were married four years already, when most couples would already have a few kids. But we had moved to Canada and were still settling down. We hadn't even applied for Permanent Residency yet, and our long term security was not entirely steady. But I felt like I was suddenly on a clock, like this diagnosis put a timer on how much time I have left to potentially be a good father[1].

So we talked about it. We looked at our finances and our lives as they stood. It's said that there is never a perfect time to have kids, and if you're waiting for that, you'll go on waiting. We were in a good place, and so it made sense to try.

Over the last two years we've had moments of hope and moments of despair. There were times when we thought it might just be destined not to be. But we had each other, and for that, I am eternally greatful. Claire has been amazing through everything, not just in relation to the pregnancy, but my diagnosis, work, the fact that Prometheus is such a terrible movie, the Permanent Residency process, everything.

What changed that brought us to this point? Mostly, once again, that's on Claire. Last February/March, Claire took up swordfighting as her hobby and main form of exercise at Academie Duello in downtown Vancouver. She loved it, and started doing it three nights a week. Then, around June, she went to see a naturopath, specifically one related to diet and lifestyle. She had been having some stomach issues around eating certain foods, so, after a few tests and trials, Claire changed her diet, cutting out dairy and gluten. The naturopath recommended some suppliments, and changed the type of folic acid Claire was using to a fast absorption one.

Before the end of July, Claire announced that she was pregnant. We went to Whislter for a vacation at the start of August and had a blast, driving ATV's and spending a day relaxing in an outdoor spa resort.

Since then, we've just been following the growth of our little Spawnling via an app on Claire's phone. It's grown from a lemon to an avacado to a turnip and beyond.

If you're reading this and currently trying to get pregnant and it isn't happening, take heart. Sometimes these things need to take time. Try a new activity. Try a new diet. Talk to us. Talk to the professionals. Ask for help. You're not alone, and you never will be.

It has not been easy to get to this point, but it's been worth it.

[1] It's very important to note that I no longer think like this. I did during the first two weeks and now and then during my lowest times in the first six months. But since then, I've come to honestly believe right to my core that very little has changed, and it won't for a long time. There is no timer, no clock ticking down over (or inside) my head. Life was amazing even before the pregnancy, and is only getting better. We landed a science vessel on a comet flying beyond Martian orbit yesterday. I am living in a golden age, and my own little bubble of life and living glows brightly.

Not So Terrific

For some, this is going to be old news, for others, this might be the first time you've heard about what I'm going to say, and for a few, this might just be the first time you've heard me saying it. But, I'm fairly confident that for everyone, myself included, this is going to be a difficult post to read. I'm sorry.

Around February or March of 2012 I noticed I had a slight tremor in my left arm. Nothing too serious, just a small thing. I thought it was stress induced, as we were between our visas and not working. Unfortunately, when I had to get my medical as part of my visa, the doctor said it wasn't stress, or RSI, or any of that, and referred me to a neurologist. As a man, I delayed seeing him for as long as possible.

On October 1st, 2012, one year ago today, I saw the neurologist, and he confirmed that I had early onset Parkinson's Disease. Or at least, he confirmed it as best he could. There's no medical test for PD, but he said I had all the typical signs. He recommended I get an MRI to confirm it wasn't anything else. I got that in December, and it came back clean, so we were back to the PD diagnosis.

Here are some facts:

About 10% of the population will get PD at some point in their lives, but most are over 60 or even 70 years old by the time they get it. About 4-5% of that number get it before 50, so I am in a select group, a fraction of a fraction of the population. I should have run out and done the lotto when I was told, but I didn't. I was devastated. My entire life just crumbled away before my trembling fingertips. For a brief time, I thought I'd lost it all. I thought we'd have to go back to Ireland and give up everything we had worked so hard for here in Vancouver. Going back wouldn't have exactly been a terrible thing, mind you, but we really did love it here by then, and do even more so now. Also, the health care system here is insane, and the University of British Columbia, just a bus ride away from where we live, is at the forefront of research into treating Parkinson's.

I thought I'd lose Claire. I know, that's a stupid thought. But for a moment, I thought it. I even offered to go home without her if it came to it, allowing her to stay here and work on her new and swiftly growing freelance career. She was having none of it, of course, and in the last year, as in the last 13 years that I've been with her, she's been nothing short of incredible.

That's it. That's all the bad news. So here's the good stuff:

It's been a year. Nothing much has changed. I can still work, I still love my job. I'm not taking any medication yet, despite the neurologist telling me in October that I'll probably be on something within 6 months. It's been 12 months now, and it hasn't gotten a whole lot worse yet, which is, obviously, a good thing. It's localized at the moment to my left arm and left leg. My right hand is... yup, just checked now, it's as tremor-free as it ever was. So this doesn't stop me drawing or writing. Even my left arm hasn't gotten significantly worse, as far as I can tell. My leg is fine if I'm walking or even running short distances, but if I try to fast-walk or jog, I notice that it stiffens up a bit. Running and fast-walking must use different muscles, or at least muscles in different ways. Even then, it hasn't been enough to stop me from doing anything. This summer is Vancouver has been astonishingly good, and I've done more outdoor activities than any summer I can think of in recent memory.

And I still have Claire. She's been my rock and my saviour. I know that this kills her at times, but usually, she's fine. She only seems to get upset about it when I'm telling someone about it. When I told the gang back home, I noticed she had to quietly leave the room.

But we're over the shock now. The first week, maybe two, was the hardest. After that, we both realized that not much has changed, or will change for some time. I'm an eternal optimist, so I just picked up the pieces of my apparently shattered lives, discovered that everything was intact, and had, in fact, just been knocked off the shelf for a bit.

I love following the development of technologies, and there is some fantastic stuff coming down the line for PD. This diagnosis 10 years ago would have been a dramatically different story, and in 10 years time, it'll be different again, in a good way.

Why am I telling you this now?

 Despite having a noticeable tremor since February or March, I was diagnosed a year ago today. It's hard to find the right time to tell people bad news, and it's very easy to find excuses why any time is the wrong time. I didn't tell anyone when I first got diagnosed, apart from my family. It was right before Christmas, and I didn't want to "ruin" anyone's holiday. Then we were planning the trip home, so why break the news to my closest friends over email when I'll be seeing them in a few weeks any? Then we were back, and I had work to divert my attention. Then it was the summer and everyone was having a great time. I could find excuses for now too, like, "I'm too busy", "I haven't blogged in months", "I want to write about other things", but that's all just putting it off, when really, I feel like people should know.

I don't want this to be a secret, to be some dirty thing that I'm going through. I want to be open with it, to show everyone that I'm still me, still living my life. And this is the first step to that, telling people.

I'm sorry if reading this has upset anyone, or ruined anyone's mood for the day. It wasn't easy writing it either. I'm sorry if you feel left out because I didn't tell you in person. It's hard to talk about at times, even after a year. I've never been sick before. I've never had to tell anyone I'm suffering from anything that doesn't warrant a "Ya big baby! It's just the flu!", or what have you. I've never taken medication for anything stronger than an over-the-counter painkiller, and even then, it's rare.

I've told people in a reasonably big group, in small groups and individually. I had to tell my mum over the phone. None of them are particularly "easier" than any other. At least in person, people can see how I really am. I mean, for all anyone reading this knows, I can be saying "I'm fine", while rolling around uncontrollably on the floor! I'm not. I really am fine. It's just clearer in person.

We live in a world where we know enough about the brain that I could get a probe shoved in to just the right spot to stop the tremors at the flick of a switch. A world where, excepting some horrific natural disaster, we're moving forward at an alarming pace with technology of all forms. A world where someone somewhere is finding another new way to make us live longer, better, healthier lives.

And I'm going to benefit directly from all of that.

I live on. I look to people like Michael J. Fox, who was diagnosed with Parkinson's when he was 30, and has just started a new sitcom as I write this[1]. He still works, and has a wonderful family, and this brings me great hope.

This is a comma in the story of my life, not a full stop.

Denis
[1] - I can't bring myself to watch The Michael J. Fox Show just yet, but I'll be sure to write up a review once I do.

When You're Gone

Life is a funny thing. For the vast majority of people, we have no concept of it ending. We see people die every day, yet a part of us always manages to convince the rest of our brain that it'll never happen to us.

But it does.

We don't know when, we don't know how. It's not biblical, just a fact.

When I leave this mortal body behind and finally learn what really happen afterwords, I hope I'll be leaving the world a better place. I hope that my actions here will make other lives a little brighter.

God forbid, if it happens tomorrow, I know that I'll miss what I have. I have the most amazing, loving, incredible wife I could ever have dreamed of. I have family that I love and miss dearly every day. I have friends that I hope to grow old with and laugh about our days in college together in fifty years time. I have a job that does make other peoples lives a little brighter, a little happier.

But I don't plan on giving it all up tomorrow, or the day after, or the next month, year or decade.

This isn't a post about death. It's about life. Live it as best you can. Be a positive influence in the stories of as many other people as you can, because when you go, that'll be the only thing that matters.

Make your world a little brighter.

Gaming, Friends & Madness

I'm just back in Cork after a long and mostly enjoyable weekend in Dublin, at the 20th anniversary of GaelCon. Like last year, Claire and I decided to stay in Clontarf Castle for the weekend, saving us from nightly travel, and adding greatly to the sense of relaxation and time we could spend with friends. Also, we got to enjoy kick-ass all-you-can-eat breakfasts with everyone else that was staying.

As with last year, we played lots of card games and board games, but far less RPGs. I don't think any caught my attention, even enough to read beyond the title. Even Claire, who played in something for every slot last year, spent most of the Con just hanging out with friends, playing table-top, non-RPG games. That said, it was a heck of a lot of fun! Not only did we get to play games we know and love, but also lots that were new to us!

Both nights had us up late into the morning hours, chatting to the others that were staying in the castle. And there were a lot. About ten others from Cork alone, and then a bunch of gamers from all over that would be very good friends. Sunday night in particular found around 20 of us in the lobby until 3:30am, howling with laughter over some incredible stories and general shenanigans!

All in all, it was a good convention. Not as good as last year, possibly, but then, that was an extraordinarily good year! I'd say that while last year was my favourite convention so far, this year was my second favourite. We had to make our own fun a lot more this year, and that's a sentiment I've heard echoed quite a bit over the last hour before we left this afternoon. Everyone seemed to have fun, but only because they made their own.

There was one huge disappointment, though. Last year, I missed the table-quiz, which seemed like a blast, and this year, I was determined to stay for it and join in. Except this year, the GealCon Charity Table-Quiz was an unbelievable disgrace, with clear bias towards the Dublin crowd, an utterly unfair and non-sensical "bonus round" system, ridiculous rounds, an annoyingly ambivalent "odd-one-out round", and just a general lack of entertainment, apart from two, possibly three rounds.

But, you know what? We had fun. We bought some new stuff, played some new games, made some new friends, played some old games, hung out with some old friends and enjoyed every bit of that. We're definitely going next year, and definitely staying at the castle again. Far too much fun to miss!

I Get Excited When I Wii

Last Friday I picked up Wii Fit and dragged it home to try it out. I understand that Nintendo are encouraging an increase in exercising and all that through this game, but just getting it home was tiring enough! The thing weighs quite a bit!

Once home, I unpacked it carefully, synced it up with my machine, and started my all-new fitness regime. After some minor hiccups (I'm slightly over my ideal BMI), I was throwing myself around, avoiding panda bears and zooming off ski slopes! I even went jogging in my living room with Noel!

While the minigames are a lot of fun, it is the yoga exercises that I've enjoyed most. The balance board tracks your center of gravity, so it can tell you when you are going wrong, and help you achieve a good pose. As I know I have a bad posture, I've been focusing my efforts on the exercises that help that area, but I try to get a well-rounded workout. My shoulders are killing me from the push-ups, and my legs were shaking after a few stretching exercises a few minutes ago. My thighs burn, and my blood is pumping.

And I can do all this in my own home, with no beefcakes surrounding me, or no-one to see when I can't do that last push-up. But I still push myself. I'm doing more than I usually do, and I'm going to try to stay at it.

I've set myself a target to lose 1.5kg in two weeks. I thought I'd be ok, but this morning the game told me I've put on weight!! I didn't even have dinner yesterday!

Denis 2, Boredom 0

It's been a busy few weeks for me, so much so that I've had little time to enjoy photographing toys, blog, or do very much online at all! In particular, the last two weekends have been jammed with excitement and fun!

On Saturday the 20th of October, I was home in Tipperary at a wedding. Not my own! No, this was for a friend of the family that we've known for years. Although she's from Coventry in England, her parents are Irish and her fathers family is from the area. She wanted to get married in the small parish church of Killea, the village I'm from. It was a great day, and both the Bride and Groom looked amazing. I spent most of it babysitting their daughter, who was simply adorable. She's only 15 months old, but so well behaved throughout. I was surprised when she took to me so fast, and spent most of the day in my arms. I guess it helped that I brought her brightly coloured toys she can safely chew on.

The meal was great and after a break to watch some big rugby match, we went back in for the dancing. Woo! I'll tell you, I could have danced through until the sun came up the next morning! It was a blast. I just had loads of fun. And I got to dance with a bridesmaid! I took loads of photos up until the music started and then I was far to busy jumping around looking like an idiot to stop to take any more.

Which was exactly what happened this weekend as well! I was having so much fun, I have no photos at all as visual aides to relate my awesome weekend through! For the October Bank Holiday weekend Claire and I travelled to Dublin for GaelCon... and to escape the Cork Jazz Weekend.

This year, Claire and I decided to do something different. Normally, we go to GaelCon, meet friends, go into the city, shop, go to the con, hang out for a bit, sit around bored, get the bus back into the city, go to the hostel we're staying in, go to sleep, travel back to the con and so on and on. This year, Claire and I booked ourselves into Clontarf Castle, where the con itself was on! This made some huge differences to how the weekend unfolded right away. No travelling once we reached the hotel on the Saturday morning. No having to leave early to get the last bus to the hostel. No pressure to go anywhere. In fact, for the first time I can remember we didn't leave the castle for the entire day on Sunday! And we got awesome all-you-can eat breakfasts in the hotel. How can you possibly top that?

And we played games! Claire tried to get into an RPG in every slot, I tried out a few, though not every slot, and while we weren't playing organised games, we were playing games like No Thanks, Guillotine and Tsuro in the main hall with anyone that walked past. All in all, it was a busy, eventful, fun weekend. Add to that getting to meet Lynn and Graham for the first time in ten months, hanging out until 2am with Mulcahy, Killian, Fiki, Sarah, Farrell and Lorna in the lobby telling stories and gasping for breath between fits of laughter and getting to meet a tonne of new people and you could say I had the best damned convention of my life!

Right now I'm exhausted! I hadn't even recovered from the wedding weekend when we left for GaelCon! Next weekend, Claire is heading back up to Dublin for another wedding, and I'm here in Cork. I plan to keep up the great run of weekends with a gaming night in my house on Saturday, and possibly even Friday and Sunday evening! Well, at least Saturday. Maybe Friday will be drinks in the Well. If you're reading this and around for the weekend, just let me know! I'm sure we can fit you in.

Watch Out America!

This summer I really did do very little bar work and sit around at home bored. Oh sure, I spent three days in London with Claire and my family, which was simply awesome from start to finish. Even Spider-Man got to enjoy it! But other than that, I've spent the summer broke and bored, looking forward more and more to getting back to work in the preschool.

Worse, everyone else seemed to be travelling to far off lands in search of adventure and comic stores!! Cian spent a few weeks in Seattle (on business, but still awesome!), Jp hit the Big Apple and a variety of comic megasuperstores, Noel and Hazel visited Bob and Sinead in the gloriously futuristic city of Toronto, Colin saw NY and Boston, and Brian spent three months all over the United States. And they all seemed to get back around the same time, regaling me with their tales of wonder and mirth.

Well, I've had enough! Next year shall be my year of epic adventuring!! I shall start saving now, and embark on a journey northwards along Americas Pacific coast that will be truly legend- wait for it- dary!! Oh, and Claire is coming too.

The plan is to start just north of the Mexican border, flying in to San Diego and spending a few days seeing the sights and attending San Diego Comic Con, or SDCC for those in the know! We're not sure how long we'll have there, because we need to be in LA the following weekend to go to Blizzcon. Being a huge World Of Warcraft fan, this is one of Claire's life dreams, so I guess I have to put-up and shut-up! Heh. No. I'll have a blast there too, even if I just never leave the StarCraft 2 stands!

After that, things get really interesting, as we head further north to the great city of San Fransisco, and the bestest American we know; Karen!! Yay! We'll get to spend a week to ten days in the beautiful Bay area and hopefully get to see some of the sights.

The final leg of our journey brings us just south of the Canadian border, nicely mirroring out starting point, as we end everything in Seattle. As well as being home to our favourite comedy series, Frasier, Seattle is the location of Microsofts head office and, most importantly, PAX! Yes, Penny Arcade Expo is held close to the end of August, and next year, we intend to be there! Also, conveniently, Cian might be living there by then... hint, hint...

And as much fun as this stellar road-trip sounds, it's made all the more exciting by the friends we'll have along the way. Some, like Colin, will be meeting us for SDCC, some for PAX, like Jp, and of course we'll have Karen in SF, so while we'll have lots of time to ourselves (Blizzcon. Who would have guessed only Claire would be interested in that one?!?!), we'll also have lots of shared adventures with people we know and love!

So watch out America! Claire and Denis are on their way, and they expect a party, a celebration, a legendary five(ish) week epic adventure across three States and three conventions, over 1,292 miles, four (possibly five) important stops, two great friends that we won't have seen in such a long time, thousands upon thousands of photo opportunities, and infinite possibilities to make new and exciting friends!

It's going to be the kind of summer they make movies about, and we're the stars!

Updated Yet?

I have quite a few friends that blog regularly, and I love reading them all! What I hate is checking a list of five or six blogs every morning and evening for updates, so I've come up with a solution, of sorts. Unfortunately, it needs your help, fellow bloggers!

See, I'm going to archive a direct link to this post at the side there, under the heading of "Terrific Updates". Any time you update your own blog, my friend, just pop over here, click the link, and leave a comment on this very post!! That way, I get an instant email telling me you updated, and I can go read all about your interesting life, and the crazy adventure you got up to today that makes me want to buy a bus/train/plane ticket to wherever you are and hang out with you right now!

If anyone out there has similar problems keeping up to date with your friends lives, just copy this idea, and text, into a post on your own blog!! Only we can make life easier for all.

So get posting and commenting. I look forward to reading your next entry.

5 Questions, 1 Chance

Some of my contacts on Flickr have started doing this "5 Questions" thing on their photostreams, and I've joined in. It's certainly not a game invented in Flickr. Variations of it have existed in Live Journal, MySpace and, although I haven't seen it myself, I'd have to assume Bebo as well.

The premise is simple. You get to ask me up to 5 questions on anything you like, and I'll answer them honestly. One of the ideas of this is that it's supposed to be anonymous when I post the answers, so the questions are PMed to me over Flickr. Obviously I'll know who asked what, but I won't reveal the identity in the answers.

So go on. Get over to my Flickr page and PM me those questions. This is it, your only chance. Ask that burning question, or just find out about my thoughts on a subject are (like I don't voice them enough! It's by far my most annoying aspect)! But remember, PMs make them anonymous, but they also allow a level of screening on my part! You're not getting any blackmail worthy information out of me!

Of course, I also encourage those of you brave enough to try it out to join in! Sure, there's a slim risk involved, but if you promise to be honest, it can be incredibly refreshing. I'm looking forward to some of the questions thrown at me, though so far, the majority are toy related! Heh. They know me too well.

Edit: Wow! I just ran a spell-check. I spelled "anonymous" right first time! Go me! This is an achievement. My spelling can be awful.