Not Getting To Say Thanks

In my life, there have been three people I have loved unconditionally. Wait. Let me clarify that. There have been three women that I have loved unconditionally. If we include men in the list, I guest my dad and MacGyver would have to be added to the number.

From the moment I was born, my mom loved me unconditionally. I was the first, so I got it all. For three whole years before my brother arrived I had uncontested motherly love, and even after Philip arrived, mom just found a new supply of love for him, and I still got all the attention and affection I could ever want.

Eleven years ago, I met Claire, and I knew she was something extraordinary. When we started dating a year after that, I knew my life had changed. My love for her has never stalled or diminished in the intervening ten years. Instead it continues to grow and grow and I can't imagine a world without her.

But between mom and Claire, there was another.

When I was still just developing my personality, I spent the first early years of formal education in the town nearest my home. I don't remember much about those years. I hazily recall playing A-Team on the slide with my cousin and some friends. I remember colours and shapes. But most of all I remember feelings. I remember a warmth and a love. I remember being safe, and happy. I felt that I was special, even among all these other kids. I wasn't the fastest, or the strongest. I couldn't paint as well as the others boys, or build as high a block tower. But she still told me I was important. She hugged me if I fell, wiped my tears if I cried and celebrated with me in my victories. She gave me the freedom and the confidence to be myself.

That one teacher helped set me on the path to become who I am today. I cannot even physically describe her in any way right now, even though her smile is burnt into my minds eye. She had an amazing smile. She was my first crush. I loved her her. And she loved me.

I grew up wanting to be a teacher from a very young age. I wanted to give back a little of what I was given. I wanted to make people unsure of themselves feel better about who they are. I wanted to make a positive mark on someones life.

Every day I go to work I think of how much I remember how I felt when I was in preschool and the early years of my schooling. I think of my responsibility to the children I interact with and the influence I am having on their young minds. I try to make every moment a positive one that they can tell their parents when they go home. In decades to came I want them to remember their time in school as a favourable chapter in their lives.

The teacher that influenced who I am today, and the career I have chosen, passed away a few years ago. I remember my mom telling me over the phone. I remember crying. But most of all, I remember an enormous pain in my chest, as if someone was squeezing my heart, because I knew I could never tell her what she meant to me.

I could never say "Thanks".

Things To Be Thankful For

On this cold winter night in East Cork, there is really only one thing I need be thankful for.



Friends. Without them, nothing else really matters.

I kind of wanted to leave that post there. End it with that one line. But I can't.

In two short months, Claire and I fly out to the unknown land of Canada.The undiscovered country of the future is one populated with no small amount of apprehension and fear, but also a lot of anticipation and excitement. Before us lies unlimited potential. But behind us lies all the friends we have in Ireland.

My friends have always been important to me. As a Gemini, I'm supposed to be my own best friend, capable of entertaining myself when alone. And my hyperactive imagination and ability to MacGyver toys out of any old rubbish means that generally I can. But I don't like to. I prefer to be around other people. I love being in the company of my friends. As much as I enjoy my job, my favourite day of the week is Sunday, when I get to hang out with everyone for a few hours.

Leaving them all behind is going to hurt. A lot. I know I'm going to miss my mom. I know I'll be homesick as soon as we touchdown in Vancouver, if not as soon as we lift off from Dublin! I know the thought of being so far away will be both thrilling and terrifying. But I know more than that that I will be sick with grief over leaving my friends. No Sunday breakfast, no Rock Band 3 parties, no boardgame afternoons.

And so, I cease waffling on and give thanks to you, the people who put up with me. You've made my 12 years in Cork a wonderful chapter of my life that I will never forget. You've been part of my life for almost half of my time on this earth.

Thanks.

I Know Of No Reason

Continuing my tradition in celebration of a man who tried to blow up the British Parliment.


Remember, remember the Fifth of November,
The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
I know of no reason
Why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.

Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t'was his intentTo blow up King and Parliament.
Three-score barrels of powder below
To prove old England's overthrow;
By God's providence he was catch'd
With a dark lantern and burning match.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, let the bells ring.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!

One Decade

Ten years ago today, Claire made me the happiest person on the planet, and by some miracle I've managed to lie, cheat and steal my way past her better senses and keep her to myself all this time! I don't have access to any photos from back then (I don't think compact, portable photography devices existed back then. We were still battling dinosaurs and zeppelins!), but here's a select few from over the years. Special thanks to Jp's Flickr account for sharing the first one and Karens account for sharing the second. We'd been together a year already at the time the first one was taken. Goes to show how important having a camera is. So many incredible memories, lost forever. So many others captured in time.

Aw... Ain't she amazing?

Oh god! Oh god, my ears! Do they still look like that! Oh God! I'm never going out without a hat again. We look so young. Claire looks incredible! Whatever did she see in me?

She has always been there for me when I most needed a shoulder to lean on...

How we broke the news to Claire parents. Subtle like a brick. 

Our special day. We robbed our friends of so much partying by eloping, but we really had a wedding we'll never forget, even if no-one else got to share the memory.

I find it difficult to comprehend the fact that it's been ten years. I lived them, with Claire, and I still have difficulty thinking about how long that is. It doesn't feel like that. I doesn't feel like I've spent one third of my existence with her. It feels like things have only just begun. Every morning I wake up and thank God I have her. She's the only one that would put up with me.

I love you, Claire Ryan. Always.

Update: Read Claire's side of the story here!

How Far Is Too Far?

I'm playing catchup today with Star Wars: The Clone Wars, the CG cartoon series due to start it's third season soon. I loved the first season, chewing through the entire set in a matter of days, but I waited until season two was finished before really starting in on that one.

I have to say I love the clones! Every one of them is voiced by Dee Bradley Baker (met him once), and every one of them is awesome. I've always been a fan of the clone armour designs. I love the addition of colour to the otherwise stark white body suits of the galaxies elite troopers. Having an entire series that uses clones in almost every episode is just too much fun for me to watch.

The action in this version of the Star Wars universe is a pleasant trade-off between what we see the live action actors do in the movies and the crazy, super over-the-top antics of the earlier Clone Wars animated series by Genndy Tartakovsky. I never really got into that series. It was just too crazy and far from what we had seen in the movies. But this CG version has fantastic moments of action and combat, stunning lightsabre duels and mesmerising space battles, without sacrificing the impression that these warrior monks could really do this.

And it's surprisingly dark at times. People die, and not just the unnamed clones. Jedi are electrocuted to death, colonies are wiped out by the Trade Federation and, in the episode I have on while writing this, we see flame-throwers being used on sentient bug creatures. Evil, Separatist bug people, but sentient none-the-less.

Which brings me to why I started this, all to show off this one, 60 second scene. In the Star Wars universe, I have always gotten the impression that the Jedi were just good. Through and through. They would never sacrifice their ideals to achieve a goal. The Sith and bad, the Jedi are good. Sith use Force Lightning, Jedi use Force Push. That kind of thing. And it is why I absolutely love this series. Here, even the Jedi are not beyond forcing information out of a prisoner of war to get what they need.

A Sketchy Post

Two weeks ago I finally got to put up all my sketches from Comic Con 2008. My awesome sketchbook is one of my most prized possessions, and filled with incredible art and signatures from the most amazing people. As well as the complete Flickr Set, I also created a nifty video showcasing the sketches, for my own pleasure.

Maulers And Grinders And Butchers, Oh My!

Last week I saw the movie of the year, if not decade. Inception is simply a stunning piece of work that will be debated for years to come. I think anyone coming out of the cinema were wondering what kind of strange and unusual dreams they would be having that night. I for one, had a normal, peaceful nights sleep.

Last night, however, I did have a wacky dream, but it was not because of a movie.

San Diego Comic Con is running this weekend. You may remember me freaking out over it two years ago as I was there myself. However, I can't be there this year, and the creators of the Gears of War series decided to cheer me up while I sat at home. While SDCC is running all modes in Gears of War 2 have a twenty XP multiplier!! Nice, but not the best thing.

Horde mode has long been my favourite thing about Gears 2. It was the first game to popularise the concept of a team of players up against waves of AI enemies, and still remains my favourite. I love getting a group of friends together to stomp some tickers, drones and friends. Except this weekend, things are different.

Waves one through nine are the sole territory of the Boomer Family, a terrifying collection of Maulers, Grinders, Boomshots, Butchers and Flamers, and even then I think I might have left out one. Wave ten is left to the terrifying power of the blood thirsty Bloodmounts, which are hard enough to kill in a normal game and damn near pants-wettingly impossible in the numbers onscreen this weekend.

All this results in a lot of frantic screaming and running from the players and a lot more laughing and having a good time. It also caused me to have a nightmare last night. As is usual, I remember only snippets of it, but I do remember running through a large room in a mansion (not the Mansion map in the game), ducking behind chairs to avoid the Grinder in the room. Man, those things are huge.

Anyway, thanks Epic Games. You've crafted a wonderful experience made better by a terrifying weekend of pain and suffering and bursts of adrenalin. I don't know if my heart can take much more, but I'm off to find out. If I don't blog again in a week, tell my wife I love her and that I'm probably not faking this time, so move me off the couch before I start to smell.