Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Writing In Anger

I want to smash things, throw things, rip things.

I want to punch through a glass sheet to see what it feels like.

I want to scream so long and hard that my voice goes hoarse.

I want to kick, lash out, not hold back. I want to throw myself body and soul into a fight, crash off walls, through doors, across tables.

I want to sweep everything off a desk with outstretched arms.

I want to do a lot of things. But I won't.

Instead, I want to direct that energy toward creativity. If I was a painter I would throw paint at an easel. If I was a sculptor I would mash clay into a grotesque form. But my choice is writing. I'll write instead.


Mark said...

Why are you angry?

If the reasons for your anger are secret, why post about it on a public blog? You could work out your anger in notepad just as well.

I hadn't read your blog before I called over yesterday. I hope I wasn't upsetting you.

Denis said...

Well, while my reasons aren't described in the post, I still think my thoughts and emotions were worth putting into words at the time. I rarely feel like that, and when I do, it rarely lasts more than a few minutes. I like resolving issues before they develop into something more.

I just thought it was interesting. My fists were clenched time, just wanting to smash something. In the past I took great joy in bending CDs until they shattered dramatically when I needed to vent. Fantastic fun, and I recommend anyone to give it a go if you ever feel like that, but I prefer to use my energy for more creative tasks now.

Also, I guess I could have titled that post "Intro Zero". It was less an exercise in setting up a story in a few short sentences and more one in describing difficult emotions, but it was still an exercise.

I was tempted not to post it at all, and had it as a draft when I posted all the Intros, but I went ahead and posted it anyway. I like to keep thing cheery and light-hearted here, but no-ones happy all the time!

And finally, no. You didn't upset me by turning up. It was unexpected, but I was feeling much better by then. Plus, your arrival woke up Claire, and we went a grabbed some yummy Chinese, which vrought me right back to normal! Cheery and well fed!

Denis said...

But what do people think? Should I delete this? Is it a bit harsh and obtrusive amongst the other posts? It is certainly a different tone, one that has only surfaced here once or twice before.

Deleting would not be difficult. And even if I wanted to keep it for myself, I can set it to "draft" and remove it from public view.

Post your arguements for or against here!

Mark said...

I don't mind its harshness. I just get mildly pissed off by mysterious blog posts. They make me curious about what they're about, and I know that I'll never know.

It's like saying "I have a big secret and I'm not going to tell you what it is". I don't mind secrets, but if someone has them, I'd prefer if they didn't tell me so.

I may be alone in this. Your blog does not target me alone, so if my opinion is not a majority one, perhaps you should ignore me.