No Spoilers!

Back in my day, we had TV ad breaks and pre-show cinema trailers, and we liked it!

Actually, we hated it. I recall trying to download tiny pixelated 480P trailers on the college computers at UCC just so I could watch Spider-Man web a helicopter full of bank thieves between two iconic buildings in New York. 

There was a time, however brief, when people would pay to see a mediocre movie just to watch a new trailer for a major upcoming release, such as The Matrix or Lord of the Rings. 

Today’s standard deluge of endless previews and promos and extended scenes and “first five minutes” were unheard of. You got a few trailers in the months running up to release, all made up of broadly the same footage, with maybe one or two unique shots to justify it’s existence. 

If feels like these days you can piece together 75% of a movie from the promotional material. In fact, the inspiration for this post was a clip from the soon to launch Hawkeye series for Disney+ that I watched just before starting to write this. I didn’t mind because the clip was short and while I’m looking forward to the series, I’m not super worried about light spoilers. It’s not like an official promo piece was going to spoil the ending or anything before the series even airs, unlike all those “What the Last 3 Minutes of the Big New Movie That Only Came Out Today Means” that are all over YouTube for every major release. 

On the other hand, I am already 100% sold on the upcoming Spider-Man Marvel Universe movie, No Way Home. If I don’t see a single frame, set photo, news article, rumour or trailer before I see the movie in theatres this December, I’ll be delighted! I have a bunch of keywords muted on Twitter in the hopes that they won’t show up on my feed. 

However, last Tuesday a new trailer dropped, with loads of new footage and new big plot reveals. I had long before decided that nothing would get me to watch it, but as soon as it was online, YouTube helpfully pushed it into my suggested feed. Not an issue, I can just not click on it. But there was a new character reveal right there in the thumbnail. Worse, while I had gathered enough rumours in the months previously that I expected this particular character to appear, I now had their new look spoiled on me. 

I miss going in to movies blind, being totally shocked by every twist and turn of the plot, every reveal and cameo. It feels like the only way to achieve that today is to swear off the internet in the months before the release. And as much as I love you, Spider-Man, I love the internet more. 

The Trouble With Trailers

The purpose of movie trailers is to entice the general public in to see your movie. It should grab the attention of the viewer and make them interested in learning more, in discovering the full story and, ultimately, giving you their cash in ticket prices or sales.

It should not reveal, or appear to reveal the entire story. The trailer for The Martian contains a scene from the climax of the book. Now, admittedly, maybe it's only obvious to me because I had read the book, but still. The trailer for Terminator: Genisys has a major reveal! I was warned in advance, and loved the twist when I saw it in theatres. But, as Honest Trailers point out, that's nothing new for the Terminator franchise. Only watch this if you've seen both T2 and Genisys.

As a matter of fact, as a viewer, I've learned to stop watching trailers once I'm hooked. I only watched that first trailer for The Martian, and I really enjoyed it, despite having previously read the superior novel. As mentioned, Genisys was a really great experience in the cinema, a lot of fun, even if it was only an okay movie, but mostly because I hadn't seen the trailers.

Once I've decided to see a movie, I'm pretty much done with trailers. It sometimes take more than one, but more often than not, the first real trailer is enough to get my attention. I've only seen that first, "Chewie, we're home" trailer for the Force Awakens and avoided screenshots, additional footage and any or all talk about it. I'm looking forward to seeing this on a big, big screen, with the best quality surround sound. I'm going to enjoy going in almost completely unspoiled and coming out, hopefully, with a smile on my face.

But I'm not nearly as excited for the Force as I am for a Civil War. This. Just this.

Done. Completely, utterly done. No more trailers, no behind the scenes, no photos from the set, and definitely no "exclusive footage". I'm already excited. I don't need any more.

Roll on May, 2016!

I Love It When A Plan Comes Together

In an age when it is far too common to see trailers for movies a full 12 months before release, I'm surprised this one has waited this long! I wish I had a better quality version to link to, but as of writing, there doesn't seem to be one online. Edit: Awesome! HD version available and embedded!

"You look like you've got a... real Bad Attitude."

Oh dear... This trailer shows up as I was just about to engrave Iron Man 2's name on the 2010 plate on "Denis' Favourite Movie Of The Year" perpetual trophy. I was so certain this was a no-brainer.

Now I have to wait until after June 11th to get it engraved.

I'm The Goddamned John Connor

As most of you know, Christian Bale is starring in next years newest installment of the Terminator franchise. It doesn't have a lot going for it. The previous movie was weak, the series is a child of the 80's, and the director has both Charlies Angels movies on his credit list (they were beyond awful! Sorry Brian), and it has a Rapper in it's main cast... Hmmm...

But the newest US trailer from earlier this week is frikkin' sweet!


And here's the brand new International trailer, released just yesterday. Mostly just a different edit of the same scenes, there are a small few new shots involved.

Oooh.... Don't get excited Denis! You'll only be bitterly dissapointed. Please, please, please... was that a 30 foot tall Terminator?!? Oh sweet! Frak! Wow! Awesome! I do so love my giant robotic death machines!

Dammit.

Nutshell Review: Death Race

Here's the problem. Most of my regular readers, of which there are but a handful to begin with, are Irish. This movie will not be getting an Irish cinema general release. It's a straight-to-DVD-er. How do I guess as much?? Because I've seen it. It was in a tiny cinema on it's opening night because no-one else was screening it, but I've seen it. And, boy! Are you gonna be missing something special!!

The trailer has everything you need to know about this movie. Big guns, ridiculous explosions between cars, a threadbare plot (at best), and Jason Statham. That's it. Expect more, and be bitterly disappointed. Expect this, and it's awesome. Even more awesome is the trailer for yet another Statham movie right at the start! You can't get enough of that wonderful actor.

Death Race, for those who do not know, is a remake of a 1975 movie, Death Race 2000 produced by Roger Corman. The Roger Corman. Which Roger Corman?? This one. Unbelievably, he serves as producer on the remake as well!!

All that aside, Death Race is awesome. I can't stop saying that. Because it is! It just is. So much violence. So much death. So much fun.

Edit: Oh boy!! Not only do I suspect that this might have a slim chance of getting into Irish cinemas (if it shows up near you, go see it!), but I just discovered Tom Cruise was a producer as well! Tom and Roger. Nice.

Turning Death Into A Fighting Chance To Live

On the cover, it looks as though Star Trek has, after 42 years, five live-action series, one animated offering, making up an astounding 726 episodes over 29 separate seasons of television, ten movies in the bag, countless fan productions, computer games, a library worth of novels, comics, action figures and merchandising of all shapes and sizes, finally run it's course. Thank you Wikipedia for the informative facts there!

Of course, as on a book, covers are often deceiving, and Star Trek is currently attempting to rejuvenate itself with a new movie, based in the golden era of the franchise. Yes, Kirk, Spock and company are coming back. Younger, slimmer, and sexier fitter than ever before!

Let me say, straight up, that I am not a Trekkie. The only series I've ever enjoyed was Next Gen, and that was because, at the time, it was the only thing remotely like it RTE aired. I didn't have very much to compare it against, but for better or worse, it still holds a place in my heart. Plus, unlike later incarnations, RTE managed to show all of Next Gen at a reasonable hour! The Original Series was too old for me. RTE inexcusably stopped showing DS9 right before it got, according to those that know, good. Voyager was only ever shown at some ridiculous hour like 11pm, or later! And I don't think we ever saw Enterprise here. From what little I saw of Voyager, I liked it. It had the "boldly going where no one had gone before" vibe I enjoyed from Next Gen, and two of the handful of episodes I caught featured Q (they were a two parter I saw together), my favourite recurring "villain" from Next Gen.

I did, however, enjoy the movies. The classic ones, starring Shatner and Nimoy are still great fun to watch. Yes, even the whale one... maybe not the one with God, though. I love First Contact. But after that... I had to look up what Insurrection was about, and even after skimming the Wikipedia article for it, I just can't remember much about it at all. I seem to recall Data going berserk at the start, and then... nothing. That's it. Even after reading the plot synopsis. I still have yet to see Nemesis, and am in no hurry, really.

So that puts what I am about to say in perspective. Ahem.

Damn!! I am starting to look forward to Star Trek 2009 (formerly 2008. Accursed delays!). The cast sounds really strong, and when J.J. Abrams is reigned in and forced to do a movie-length plot, it can turn out great, unlike when he's let loose with a multi-season series (I would link to the official home-page but, "Yo! ABC dudes!! Spoilerific homepage!!")! Plus, I love their idea of minimalism in web design! Awesome! So, when Abrams stated upfront that there would be no big news for San Diego Comic Con (Have I mentioned yet that we'll be there?!? I have? Oh... well... we will), I was momentarily disappointed. Only slightly. But then, Paramount went and released these to brighten up all our days! Click to embiggen.






















They'll be available at the Paramount booth at San Diego Comic Con.
Which I'll be at.

Wanted: An Original Idea

Quick! What year is this?!? I feel like I've just slipped into an alternate 1999 where The Matrix is about to be released after some very, very minor rewrites!

Let's see:

• A main character with super human hidden abilities living a boring life in a facade of a world

Check

• Bullet time
  

Check

• Snappy sound bites

Check

• Older, black mentor

Check

• White female trainer

Check

• Cubical office scene

Check

• Tonnes of CGI

Check

The list goes on. There is nothing new in that trailer! Those guys should win an award for that! The movie, by the way is Wanted, based on the Mark Millar joke of a comic that seems to think being clever is kicking the reader in the nuts for the benefit of the author's ego.

Morgan Freeman as Morpheus: It is a choice, Wesley, that each of us must face. The red pill, or the blue...

Hot Stuff

On Friday I went to the cinema with a bunch of friends. We went to see the new Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright movie, Hot Fuzz. Although it has been in the cinema since Wednesday, that was the proper start, and the cinema was packed!

But a good review should always start at the begining, so:

Trailers!
Spider-Man 3
I'm really looking forward to seeing this. Watching the full trailer again on the big screen was a thrill. I've seen this trailer before online, and it's great. Some more story elements, more shots of the main villians, the black costume, the action. All great. I like the "homemade" look to Harry Osborns costume, with a simple mask and armour. Though the new board he uses screams of "Tony Hawks" street-cred. I'm sure it will be fine. Actually, so long as Willem Dafoe as Norman Osborn at some point, either as a flashback or another crazy vision from Harry, the movie can do no wrong. He was incredible in Spider-Man, and the best thing about Spider-Man 2.

Transformers
What's better than watching the Spider-Man trailer at the start of a movie? Having it followed immediately by the Transformers movie trailer. Sweet! This is the new one with lots of shots of the 'Formers in action, so to speak, as well as some close-ups on the human element of the story. Again, it's been online for a while now, so you may have seen it. This too looks impressive. I'm totally in agreement with the updating of the franchise and the 'Bots themselves. I love the new look. I admit that Transformers was never my toy as a kid, so I have no real attachment to the classic style. However, if this happened to GI Joe, I would be equally as happy. In fact, I pray every night for this to happen to GI Joe. The Devils Due comics rock, why can't we get a movie too!! Er... that's a little off topic. Suffice it to say, the Transformer movie trailer gets me all tingly inside.

Now, the main event.

Actually, even if this movie turned out to be rubbish, having seen those two trailers back-to-back, without any other trailers shown to take from their glory, this would have been a good trip to the cinema. However, that wasn't the case. Instead Spider-Man, Transformers, Ghost Rider, Shrek, Fantastic Four and all the rest due this year have a very high bar to reach now. I think this movie may well be the film of the year for me!!

Ok. Yes. I have been know to exaggerate. Sometimes. Eh. Yea. A lot. So why should you trust me now? Because I wasn't alone.

I've been to movies where, as the closing credits begin to fade in after the final scene, the crowd claps. Everyone acknowledges the work of the people involved and give a rousing clap to show their appreciation. That's nice. I know that in America, this is not uncommon, and in fact, people even clap during the movie to show their approval. Now that was something I had never witnessed here in Ireland.

Until Hot Fuzz.

Not only was the whole cinema rocking with laughter, but there was regular bouts of widespread clapping from the audience throughout the show! It was an incredible feeling. The energy in the room, the joy and laughter, the pure emotion of happiness from everyone. It was clear that this was a special event that we were all a part of. A magical movie experience shared by everyone present. It was, simply, great.

I'm not going to go on much more about the movie. There are hundreds of movie review sites out there if you want to see what people think of it. I just want to point out some of the things that I loved.

Obviously, the acting, writing and directing were all spot on. Everyone was incredible. It was a joy to see Timothy Dalton on the big screen again, and he was superb. But the things that struck me as extraordinary were the editing and the camera-work, both of which I would imagine fall under the directors watchful eye.

Scenes were edited together seamlessly, with some stunning little tricks and florishes thrown in. Watch the scenes around when Nick and Danny walk a local home after a night of drinking to see some great examples, but there are loads more throughout the movie. Without giving any spoilers, I also love the flashback scene where the flashbacks are shown in reverse. A great and unique technique that is handled masterfully.

I also love all the references within the movie. All sorts of things are either mentioned, quoted, refered to, directly shown or simply subtly hinted at. See if you can spot the fantastic RoboCop shot! I know some of the people I saw Hot Fuzz with didn't spot it, but again, it's expertly done. While you're at it, see if you can spot the blatantly clear Spaced reference that I totally missed. It's from one of the best episdoes of that series (weren't they all?!?), and I'm ashamed to admit I didn't spot it.

All in all, Hot Fuzz was far beyond my expectations. It is unfair to compare it with the crews other movie, Shaun of the Dead, as the humour and style are drastically different. Again, I'm being very biased here, but I feel that, having seen Shaun once I have no inclination to watch it again, nor own it on DVD. Hot Fuzz on the other hand, is a far more enjoyable movie for me. I would happily go see it in the cinema again if I got the chance, and have to get it on DVD around it's release, if not on the first day! I admit that I enjoy action movies more than zombie flicks, so that influences those comments on the two.

In conclusion, the trailers rocked, but the movie rocked more. I loved it, but that doesn't mean everyone will. Then again, the rest of the cinema reacted very positively to it, so maybe it has universal appeal! Whatever, I assure you it comes highly recommended from this "critic"!

EDIT: I wrote this originally back on Friday night, as soon as I got home from the cinema. But then I realised that posting it at that point would make it my 100th post, and I didn't want that. Thus, I'm only posting it now. Sorry.